How do I feel?

I feel like a complete failure and disappointment.

I failed college during the last few months of my 4th year (the last one) of studying, I've wasted so much time and effort and sanity for nothing, my parents are disappointed, and it feels like everyone around me irl sees me as a failure, and I can understand them, because I see myself that way too.

I feel like a failure in anything that I'm trying to do, in all my hobbies, in all the necessary things that I have to do, and in life in general.
I'm just a disappointment.

But despite all that I'm still trying to make others happier, by making some drawings for them, gifting gifts, or just saying some comforting or encouraging words, and trying to be there for them when they need me.
I don't wait for anything in return, I don't need to get repaid for this, because my payment is someone's happiness, if I can make someone at least a little happier, then it's already not meaningless, and was worth every second of me doing it.
And at least this little thing makes me feel a little better about myself. (even though I still have a bad opinion about myself)

Well, anyway, soon I'll have to look for a job with "reservation", so I won't get dragged to the war. And of course, the amount of jobs with that reservation is extremely low, since not all jobs can do provide the reservation, but every man wants to have it, because nobody wants to go to the war, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to find the job with reservation TwT.
If I don't find it, I'll just keep being a burden for my family, until the safe time ends and the time for forced conscription comes.
And if that happens, I'm not sure if I'd be able to post anything ever again, or keep making others happier, I'd just be gone, without even a goodbye.